Sunday, December 14, 2008


it would appear that if my brain goes on strike, as it does in overwhelming times, i may not be able to generate or create, but it also is true that when a statement or idea has tweaked my brain, commenting, either in internal dialog or written word is inevitable. since i have a drought of ideas here, and wrote a small pamphlet in a response, i thought i might as well quote myself here at home. if my family and friends are reading here as i have encouraged them to do, well you know who you are and thank you too.
BIRDIE, wrote in part:
I think that most of the straight population has been complacent on the issue of gay rights primarily because they think they don't know someone who is gay, and they don't understand how the issue hurts a fellow human being. Catchphrases, shiny mass-produced signs and rhyming chants are not going to positively influence most of those who aren't already in agreement. Straight people need to know the stories behind those signs, songs, and slogans.

After and between the rallies, whether you attend or not, you have the critical moment of public awareness. How do you use it? By telling your story. Not necessarily to the world, although some will take that risk. But step up and tell your story to those who already know you. Tell them what it feels like to be left behind; how it feels to struggle for rights that straight people take for granted like breathing; and what it is to be made to feel less than fully human for being different. Put a face on this issue. Come out, come out, wherever you are. This war will be fought on many fronts, but it will be won in heart-to-heart encounters by people like you.

and one of her posters asked:

So, okay, you've outlined what looks to me like a viable strategy for spreading the news. How do I, as a straight ally, "come out" to the people who know me already?

this was my straight from the gut/heart response:
you know, birdie et friends, after years of protests, demonstrations, police confrontations, letters to the editor, sit ins and the like, some of which resulted in my being tear gassed or night sticked, and seeing so very little progress, i had all but given up trying ro bring about social change, especially employing reason, constitutionality or morality as hoped for common ground.

i went about repairing my tattered life, bit by bit, first by getting sober, later by helping others get sober, and/or being a good listener in times of emotional distress. always throughout this, upon entering a helping relationship, or even a close emotional friendship, there was the annoying but mandatory coming out explanation, ESPECIALLY with men. it was rarely an issue up front, although on occasion it became a putative reason for backing off, usually when truths i was telling became uncomfortable. most of those "breakups" found there way back over the years. the others found a more deceitful comfort in the bottle or drugs.

always, i was the gay man who didn't take advantage of a situation, even on those rare occasions when emotions became confused.

so, from what you are saying, i was never disengaged from this revolution at all, just fighting a quieter fight.

this has become more obvious in the years since i found a way to get on line. the computer gave me a voice that could be heard by any newspaper, any legislator, any advertiser, any network, any religious institution, any school hierarchy, any commentator, and indeed, even the office of the president of the USA. and at one time or another they all have.

and i have made sure those "protégés " of mine KNEW how these issues affected me and mine. at first i was lucky to perhaps have sensitized them to the issues, and then, sometimes, even in the marine corps, they would hear some crap that just got to be too much, and would speak up. and then they married, and i became parts of those families, and their wives and children, and even their families of origin in some cases became aware of the injustices as well.

it would seem that single handedly, just by being out and being me, i have moved the national conversation a few clicks in the right direction.

in reply to the question of how can a straight person help.
by doing the same thing
. and know this, for it is fact, your words and commitment mean more to the end result than mine. they have more weight, and they become part of conversations i would never be privy too. without you and the risks YOU take coming out, we are just too small and too segmented a group to ever achieve equality, as we have no characteristic or geography to unite us, and indeed, even are families of origin are often devoid of understanding or support. you are esential to the mix!

thank you,


Friday, December 12, 2008


well, i have discovered the down side of blogging... with real readers. a nagging sense of responsibility.

i have returned home, and am, presumably , on the mend, but i am overwhelmed by the backlog spawned by a well developed habit of procrastination and dropping out of one's daily life for over a week. i have a bit less energy than usual, and admittedly, that was in short supply to start with.

i am supposed to be on bed rest, with the bum leg elevated most of the time. if you have lived alone, now or in the past, you know how blooming impossible that is. while the infection seems about whipped, aided by copious continued oral antibiotics, the obscene edema has not abated. it took a few days of missed communications, but i secured an appointment with the internal specialist who was treating me in the hospital, as was recommended, for later on today. although, against recommendation, i have to rely on the scooter for transportation, and OF COURSE the office is clear across town. maybe something or someone will turn up to make that unnecessary, but i won't hold my breath.

my frustration here in blogland is that while i do have a couple hospital stories to relate, i have yet to learn the knack of typing on my belly or with my leg raised higher than my laptop.

and so, my friends, i must cut this short and get my foot back up for the next few hours... again.


Sunday, December 07, 2008


well, unbelievably, it is 6 days since i entered the hospital. it isn't that i have been horribly anguished or in pain, so much as this is apparently one bitch of an infection to kill off. i have been on IV antibiotics the entire time, as i still am. in the past day i have rapidly improved on that front, but the remaining and increased edema is a troubling anomaly. i haven't been chomping at the bit to get out, though what i will find on my voicemail is worrisome, because my plans and responsibilities coming up have been so thoroughly disrupted they couldn't get worse because of a day or two. i will still have some bedrest and oral antibiotics to deal with, and that is pretty hard to pull off in my circumstances.

the food and service are pretty good here as well...

television, now that i can actually look at it, still sucks.

tonight's nurse is CHAD... really.

next week i'll tell you about my various roommates.


Tuesday, December 02, 2008


well, that high didn't last long. the day after i posted all my good news i started feeling sickly, that evening i knew for sure i was sick so i actually went to bed all tucked in at a reasonable hour for me. the following day i could scarcely navigate on rubber legs with a worse headache and achier joints and muscles. i toughed it out through the day, thinking it would pass, and it appeared to be letting up somewhat... silly rabbit.

still sick the next morning, headache of the migraine caliber, and while i am not a sufferer, i DO know what they are like from intimate acquaintance, nauseous and aching all over, but blessedly able to walk, if unsteadily. AHA, now i have outlasted it, he thought. and the next day he woke up with a swollen reddened leg. that one i knew from past experience. cellulitis or phlebitis. neither to be messed with, and ugly and painful to boot. fortunately my erstwhile helpful neighbor was just as helpful again, and drove me up to the emergency room.

after 5 hours and a battery of scans, i was finally brought to the accelerated admission unit. accelerated being a relative term. just under an hour and a half later, they found a room for me. outside of the speed, the service has been nothing but excellent, and there were any number of good looking medical types to pass the time ogling.

i won't discuss the indignities of hauling an IV drip to the can. you either already know, or you will one day. at least i quit smoking a long time ago, so i don't have to schlep outside to catch a few drags.

then there is the wisdom, or lack thereof, of going to the hospital with nowt but the clothes on your back. in my defense i didn't KNOW they were going to admit me, although it had crossed my mind. i did remembered to bring my computer and my cell, so i am connected.

i'll update when i know more...